Week 30 starts tomorrow. The girls are near 3 pounds a piece and by the looks of MaK’s belly, growing pretty tall & strong like their older sister Maebyn. Wow… MaK and I can’t stop smiling today, especially when we look back on the past 2 months and think of the journey we’ve been a part of.
When we found out we were expecting twins, we immediately thought (read that as immediately worried about) a few really important “events” that we had coming up in the next couple months. Given the prognosis and the severity of the situation, we didn’t know if we would be able to make them all and MaK and I were having a tough time deciding what to do and what not to do. The first decision we had to make was whether or not we were still going to go to Mexico on our missions trip with MaK’s company, Housh Inc. it wasn’t an easy decision for us. We had a very good reason to back out but we felt like The Lord wanted us to go. Looking back I’m not exactly sure what the reason for us going was, or if we might have been crazy in doing so but I am so thankful that we went. It’s something we will never forget and a huge part of this story for our family.
After the diagnosis of TTTS, we weren’t sure if we would be able to go to my little brother’s wedding at the beginning of June. About a week before the wedding, we received the news that the twins fluid levels had evened out completely (to us, that meant complete healing and an answer to prayer!) and we got the OK to travel up to Michigan. Well, sortof, we kind of didn’t mention it to the doctor. Either way, this was a major blessing. MaK and I would have been devastated to have had to missed Ryan and Taylor’s wedding but the Lord made a way.
The last thing we had on our to-do list was go to Indianapolis for a Hillsong United concert. MaK and I love Hillsong and thankfully we were able to go this Wednesday night. The beauty of this last event was it was the perfect way to come before the Lord, worship and celebrate everything that He has done in our lives over the past couple months. It wasn’t a mountain-top worship experience and neither one of us had an over abundance of energy (MaK worked all day and we headed straight there afterwards) but it was a beautiful night. We were together on a date night and worshiping The Lord. What more could you ask for.
Although our journey is far from over, to start the 30th week (woo hoo!) without having any medical procedures is such a blessing. Since the beginning of this pregnancy, Hillsong United’s newest album Zion has been playing in our house pretty much on repeat. Our favorite song right now and for the last couple months has been “Oceans”. This song has been our family song/prayer. The story of the song is about Peter stepping out in faith onto the water to follow Jesus. It’s a beautiful song with a beautiful story. If you happen to be in one of those situations in life where you really feel like the only option is to trust blindly or run and hide, this is a great song to listen to…
Being a stay at home dad or parent has its perks. My days are wide open and there is not much you can’t do with just one kid. Maebyn and I go to Lowes, the gym, the grocery store, and install closet doors together. She’s my little helpmate and wherever I go there she is also. I’m never alone anymore if MaKenzie is gone, and although it has its challenges, I’ve really enjoyed spending the days with her. She’s enthralled with me and everything I do now, I can tell she’s watching. Plus, who doesn’t love having their personal little smile-machine along for the ride everyday?
In the past few weeks something has been weighing on my mind. Is Maebyn getting the best of me? I’d say for the most part, she is. I’m not perfect but the majority of my day is spent serving her needs… but is that really the best of me? I first realized how selfish I inherently was when I got married. Putting someone else’s needs before mine… now that’s a struggle. I’m sorry MaK, you know as well as I do, this isn’t something that came naturally to me. My wife MaKenzie is my best friend but I can still so easily chose myself before her. Then I became a parent and I really realized that deep down inside I am very selfish. My desires, my wantings, and some of my needs have been forced to come second to the little one’s. As any parent knows, this is not always easy. You want to sleep more, have a quiet meal, and go on dates at the drop of a hat. However, my days are spent trying to give Maebyn the best that I have. It’s my responsibility not only as her father but as her primary caretaker everyday.
My wife however, is forced to expel most of her energy at work. She is a hard worker and has a great job but as any parent that works 40+ hours a week knows.. it’s exhausting. It’s especially hard to come home and have to parent, be a friend, daughter, entrepreneur, sister and wife on top of it all. She is an amazing selfless wife and without her our family would be lost. She is a rock solid woman and I am so lucky to be her husband. Not a day goes by that I am not so thankful for her. I may not always show it but I feel blessed to be married to her. I am proud of her and the mother that she is. Although many may not realize the sacrifices that she makes for our family, I do. So I say thank you, MaKenzie. You are an amazing wife, mother, daughter and friend. Anyone who knows you is blessed.
On Mondays MaKenzie works from home. They are generally pretty good days because I get to see her most of the day, I can run an errand or two, and we usually eat breakfast and lunch together. If she didn’t have to work all day, Mondays would be perfect. Today however, was a different story and it all started when the clock struck midnight.
Maebyn’s been a great sleeper ever since she was born (12 hours a night since 6 weeks Woo Woo!!) but the last couple weeks have been terrible and last night was much of the same. It’s not her fault. She just figured out she can roll to her belly and discoveries this monumental are enough to keep anyone up at night. All that to say, Maebyn has her first cold and she’s just not feeling well today. On top of this, MaKenzie has felt sick the entire day but has needed to work, thus adding to the frustration level in the house. I also may or may not have added to this stress by taking 2 hours to work out, a couple more to look at potential rehab houses, and generally just being out of the house longer than I should have on a day like today.
When I got home, MaKenzie and I calmly and quietly discussed a couple things that she thought I could do differently when she is working from home, particularly when she and Maebyn are sick. I politely agreed and thanked her for her correction and keeping me accountable to my responsibilities. I then led our family in a prayer where I repented for all my wrong doings and finally we all joined hands and began singing in perfect harmony. Pretty much the exact opposite of all these things is what actually happened. Use your imagination. It’s probably not far off.
I so badly wanted to take away MaKenzie and Maebyn’s sickness today but I couldn’t. I think it was my first experience as a helpless parent. There’s been plenty of times over the past 4 years where I’ve felt like a helpless husband but today was the first time I’ve felt it as a parent. Maebyn has a cold, so I know this is a very small scale to feel this on but none the less it sucks. I want to have control and on days like today I was reminded that I, actually, I have very little control over the day to day happenings of our life.
All in all it wasn’t that great of a day but a day spent with my wife and daughter can’t be categorized as a bad day. Till next time…