dad life.

Dad_DaughterI haven’t written a blog post in awhile and that’s mostly due to the fact that every day is the same. Wake up around 4, hold a baby until 6, feed the twins at 6, Maebyn wakes up at 8:30, feed Maebyn breakfast, feed the twins again, feed Maebyn lunch, put Maebyn down for a nap, feed the twins again, Maebyn wakes up from her nap, feed Maebyn a snack, feed twins again, MaK gets home from work, feed Maebyn dinner, feed twins again, put Maebyn to bed, feed twins again, space out on couch, feed twins and hope to go to bed for a couple hours…. And repeat.

Ross and MaebynThe day to day adjustments have been hard and taking care of three kids is not easy but by far the hardest thing that I’ve learned through these last couple of weeks is I no longer have a life outside of my family. I know this is a season of time but the complete surrender of anything going on in my life has been the hardest part. I know it’s because I have a lot of selfishness inside of me but one thing is for sure, selfishness is getting rooted out of me day by day. All I am is dad. Caretaker of our three kids. Before the twins, it was difficult, but I had time and energy to do things that I wanted to do. I had energy and time to work out, spend time with friends, do Bible studies, and run errands. Now, the sheer task of keeping everyone fed takes up most of the day. God has been slowly stripping me of things I’ve tried to find identity in other than Him. In fact, this has really been going on my whole life. I want to be attractive, a person people consider wise, interesting, influential, a good dad, a good husband, and every time I’ve tried to build identity in those areas on my own accord, the Lord has graciously stripped me of my striving. I know my true identity lies in being a son of the King, my heart just has a tough time deeply believing it. I’m constantly pulled the way of the world.

twins 10 weeks oldWith the birth of the twins, I’m constantly being asked “how do you do it?” Amongst many other comment of astonishment about our circumstances. Every time I hear one of these comments I cringe, because of my insecurities and because of a lot of the undertones that come along with them. “Don’t you want to work?”, “Why doesn’t your wife want to take care of the kids?”. Even though people may not be saying or even thinking these things, I do. Being a stay at home dad is isolating. I don’t have much to talk about with other guys because our day to day lives are a lot different. People may think I’m doing the right thing but ultimately, I don’t feel respected. And we all know that it’s too easy sometimes to fall into the trap of making our “feelings” our reality.

At the end of the day, I’m exhausted, MaK’s exhausted, Maebyn is exhausted, and the twins are wide awake. Hah, funny how that works out. I don’t know how long this season will last and to be honest, the biggest blessing in all of this is that each day is hard enough on its own so looking to the future isn’t even on my radar. The Lord is teaching us many things through this season. I wish I could say we are walking through it better, but sometimes frustration with our kids, each other, and ourselves seems to be the theme of our day to day routine.

I guess at this point of the post there is supposed to be some sort of culmination into how all this corresponds to a bigger, better purpose… well, it does. Right now it’s hard to make sense of it or even understand, for that matter, how it all “works together for good” but I know that it does. I think that is one of the biggest issues our family is facing with this new normal – recognizing that feelings and beliefs can often be very contradictory and we meet at a crossroads of letting one or the other win. Insecurities, mundane routines, exhaustion… all fight with me to trust my feelings. But I’m trying to rest in the confidence of my beliefs and what I know to be true.

Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

– Ross

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8 thoughts on “dad life.

  1. Buddie … you have learned in a few short years what takes a life time for most to learn … God is always faithful .. He is always good and he blesses dependence on Him. I could not be prouder of the man that you are ! dad

  2. Wow, Ross. What a journey you are on. Not everyone could be doing what you are doing. Don’t be too hard on yourself – surviving each day right now with all your little ones fed and dry is success! It was good to see you at Brett and Biz’s wedding. Wish I could have talked to you more about your life right now. Hang in there, Ross. You are doing the most important work in the world. The following is the quote I have had hanging on my fridge four years. Let it be an encouragement to you. “When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women and men in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?” N,A. Maxwell

  3. In reading all your blog posts, I can’t help but keep saying to myself, he sounds like so many young moms in this world. The feeling of exhaustion, loss of identity, isolation and your life being ruled by the schedules of 3 little demanding souls. You could write a book, Ross, to help men understand how they can support their wives better in this season of small children. You are one of the few men who probably truly understand what millions of young mothers go through everyday in this country and around the world. God has plans to use your experiences. This is a season in your life. As a woman unable to have children, I pray you will treasure this time. It truly will go by fast. Take it one day at a time and sometimes, one hour, one minute. You are doing just fine and you will get your life back, one day. Blessings to you as you rejoice in the miracle of these babies.

    • Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate the encouragement. It’s been a long but satisfying year. I think you’re right. I probably could write a book. Who knows… Maybe someday!!

    • It never hurt a baby to cry for 10 mitnues. Put on a timer and wait it out for 10 mitnues. 9 times out of 10, he will be asleep within that 10 mitnues. That 10 mitnues feels like an eternity to you, but not to the baby. That advice changed my life!With regards to your question if an opportunity for learning gets passed over because you just intervened 5 mitnues ago, that opportunity will likely come up again, so you can trust that you’ll get another chance to ask a question that promotes learning.

  4. Reblogged this on Savanna Lininger's Journey and commented:
    Reflection. I can do this sometimes late at night or very early in the morning. I think about our family, what an amazing journey it has been. In less than a month, I will be the Dad of a 6 year old. Good grief, where did the time go? I often find “mom” stories out there, written as family stories. It is rare that I find the “dad” stories.

    Today, I want to share a post from a Dad named Ross. They have twins along with a older child, very similar to our situation. Their pregnancy was rife with danger and uncertainty, yet the conclusion was pure joy and miraculous. This particular post from this Dad exudes thoughts and feelings I had not only when our twins were born, but when I unplugged from the workforce to be a SAHD. He does follow up with another post (part 2) that does describe the fun moments in their day to day journey. It is amazing how small those were at the time, but how big they become later. Our twins are older now, but boy does this post bring back memories.

    I have many things to share about Savanna’s Journey as of late. It has been a fast start to 2014. We have already met our insurance deductible (in theory), and January is not over yet! Stay tuned. Ken.

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