May 6, 9:30 am: It’s Monday morning, we arrive to the hospital to have another ultrasound and see how the twins are progressing. We had just gotten back home from Mexico the day before and MaK, Maebs and I were so excited to see the girls again. We’d been in just a week and a half prior (around 20 weeks) for our anatomy scan and everything looked great, we were so thankful. Things started pretty normal and two hours later the nurse excused herself from the room to “call the doctor”. Something’s wrong. MaK and I tried not to over analyze and sat still with Maebyn in the room until the nurse walked back in. “MaKenzie, can you come back in today? This afternoon maybe? The maternal fetal specialist is reviewing your ultrasound and would like to speak with you.” Two hours and one consultation later, MaK and I sat on the couch in our living room repeating the doctor’s words over and over in our minds and aloud. Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, high mortality rate, triple fluid levels for one twin, heart complications, MRI, high risk, Stage 1…
God is in control.
I know I’ve mentioned this multiple times, but after MaKenzie gave birth to Maebyn we decided that we would let the Lord decide how many children we would have. That meant no more contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. This seemed like a huge leap of faith to us but it was something we felt the Lord leading us to do. Needless to say, if you’ve read my previous blogs, God has taken our act of faith and flipped it on its head. Pregnant three months later? Twins? We were shocked by the news of both. Ever since we decided that we would let the Lord decide how many children we would have our faith has seemed to be tested in almost every area of our lives. Now we faced an even bigger test with an even more uncertain outcome and we could feel fear and doubt creeping in strong.
As the weeks have progressed, the feelings of just being straight overwhelmed have only increased exponentially. We’ve started getting bills from our ultrasounds for the girls and they are nearly four times more than what they were with Maebyn. We knew we’d have to have faith in our finances but we didn’t think it would start even before the twins were born. We’ve spent our fair share of time at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and the Maternal Fetal Specialists office and MaK has been undergoing testing nearly every 2-3 days to monitor the girls’ progress.
Since the moment we found out about the girls having Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome we haven’t been sure of how exactly to walk through this but one thing we do know is our hope is in the Lord. A couple of weeks ago I was reading through Exodus where the Israelites are led to the Red Sea by God. Ironically enough, MaK and I were talking about this just a week or so before we got “the news”. The Isaraelites had just been set free from their enslavement through miraculous events and were headed to the Promised Land. They were literally walking away from their life as slaves, following the exact path God was leading them to and suddenly they are faced with the Red Sea. With the Egyptians coming in close behind them to reclaim them, they start to say “if only we could go back to being slaves”. They could not imagine how they could be freed from their situation. Here they were…. trusting God, following His leading, only to be faced with an obstacle that in their minds was too huge to cross over. I bet no one in that entire camp even entertained the idea that God was going to part the water, allow them to cross through and then collapse the water in on the Egyptians who were trying to reclaim them as slaves.
It’s here that MaK and I find ourselves. The situation we are in feels so overwhelming in just about every area of our lives. If we both sat down and tried to think of a way out, I don’t think either of us could even imagine what that would look like. We have been made ever aware that we have no control in this situation and that this story belongs to the Lord. We don’t know what is going to happen, and MaK and I have spent the majority of the last few weeks just crying because the unknown can be so scary, but I promise you this… we serve a real living God and when this situation is over His name will be glorified, no matter the outcome. That may mean that we have two healthy little girls and that may also mean the opposite but with everything inside of us we are trying to trust the Lord. This is His story and all we can do is trust that He is in control.
We’ve had a roller coaster of a month – one week hearing that we were considered Stage 1, the next that there may be complications with blood flow in one twin that could mean progression to Stage 3, to recent news this week that both girls are now in stable condition and seem to be growing well. We are humbled to report that this week our team of specialists at Cincinnati Children’s have determined that “prayers seem to be working” and the fluid levels of both girls are slowly reaching stable amounts. The days, weeks and hopefully months ahead are completely unknown but the certain fact is this, our hope is in the Lord, not in what the doctors tell us from day to day.