As I sit down to blog today my heart is heavy and encouraged at the same time. Being a stay at home dad has opened up my life to a lot of open space and free time. I’m starting to see the benefits in this. My time is not spread thin and it’s given me time to reflect on what The Lord is trying to uproot in my heart. The main thing that I feel The Lord is teaching me right now is that I’m not in control. This is not a revolutionary discovery or something that was unknown to me but its something that as a parent I am ever more aware of. God is shaping my families story and it is my choice to be faithful where He has me and not try to control my circumstances.
Up until now I’ve been operating out of a narrative that has been so eloquently passed down to me from the culture we live in. Get a good education, find a good wife, buy a house, and have kids. All achievable tasks that I could map out and set out to achieve. The problem in all of this is the education I received hasn’t helped me get the job I wanted, my wife is great but she doesn’t make me happy… all the time, our house is a blessing but its a constant stress, and having a kid is awesome but as many parents know…. it’s hard.
The truth is life IS hard and it is ultimately filled with things we can’t control. I’ve spent a large majority of the past couple of years being frustrated with God for not carrying my plans out as I had mapped them out in my head. It hasn’t been until recently that I’ve realized that God is mapping out my story in a way that is far better for me and my family. It has been in surrender to His story and His will that I have finally been ok with being a “stay at home dad”. I want so desperately to have control over our families circumstances because there are things that I want to be different. However, I’ve realized the importance of surrendering the control to The Lord. His plans and His will are better than mine and in this surrender I’ve begun to experience true joy.
My education led me to my wife, my wife to our new baby girl and our house… well that is something The Lord will keep teaching us through. The Lord is telling a story in and through our lives and the only response that seems appropriate is trying to live faithfully and trust Him in our circumstances. He is a good Dad after all.